Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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