Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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