break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
