I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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