First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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