I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
