if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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