Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
