Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
