you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
