what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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