ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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