Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize