Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
