if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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