OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
