3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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