I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
