some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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