someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
