He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
