Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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