Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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