His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
