She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
