Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
