my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
