You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
