We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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