you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize