Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
