Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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