Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
