I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize