i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
