When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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