Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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