just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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