wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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