I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
