I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to make out with him forever
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
