Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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