My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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