Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
