I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
