I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
