Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
