I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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