i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize