remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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