Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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