Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
