Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
