i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
