dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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