i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
