I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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