Kiss
Puke
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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