Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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