sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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