ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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