i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you had me at cake vodka
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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