i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
