My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're like the curious george of whores
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
