You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
