people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
