why didn't you poke me back
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
