I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
