so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
