I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize