It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
