By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
