So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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