he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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