M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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