so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
