She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My bed smells like the plague
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
