12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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