so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
