My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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