You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
