Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize