that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
