First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
