I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
