but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
