Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
