dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
