I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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