hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
