I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize